Alpha State

"Everything that has a beginning has an end."  That's one of my favorite quotes from the Matrix 2.  It has to do with the inevitability of change, and our general reluctance to accept what comes next.  And it's applicable here.

So ... here we are.  I talked in my last post about how to wrap up the blog. I wasn't sure what I was doing at the time, but I posted it kind of figuring I'd be back to tie things up one way or another.

I wasn't ready for the "what's next?" question back then.  But time gives perspective, and I'm ready to provide an answer.

So, I'll cut to the chase.  Dog's Breath as you know it has run its course.  It's served its Purpose.  I won't do you the injustice of calling it an indefinite hiatus; it's just done.  If I return to EVE, and then choose to write about it (both very big 'ifs'), I'll pick another venue and another name.

There's no great drama, and no great dissertation to type.  My time in EVE has simply completed its journey.  My main account is in Alpha status, and my alt account will follow once the 6mo subscription expires.  I first joined EVE in March of 2003 when Beta7 started, and despite some lengthy absences I felt like I stayed connected to the EVE ecosphere in one way or another throughout the 14 1/2 years that have elapsed since.

This time is different; for the first time since 2002, I am not paying a monthly sub to an MMO.  That genre, that platform, that way of telling stories and engaging players has shifted and evolved, and I've shifted and evolved in some different direction.  So while my past absences from EVE have always involved a defection to WoW or some other MMO, there really is no "other woman" this time, and no magnetic pull back to EVE as I cycled through game titles.  

The tectonic plates of my gaming interests have shifted, and I find myself on another landmass.   For the past year, give or take, my spare time has been shifting towards the Tabletop gaming world.

And yet, I've had the itch to write again.

So this post ultimately serves two purposes.  It's the end of this blog.  It's the start of another.  I was tempted to simply start writing here and abuse what little internet momentum/audience this place still holds, but it was time for a fresh start and a new foundation.

Should you choose, you can follow me at House of Zoxe.  I waited to post here until I had a decent number of posts up, so there's actually a reasonable amount for you to read with more on the way.

o7
Fly it like you stole it,
Abavus Durden

Perspectives

It's been an interesting few weeks here.

First, I've been having PC problems the past several weeks.  I have new laptop inbound from Dell that will become my main box, though the shipping from Dell's webstore seems to take an incredibly long time (yes, welcome to a society where instant gratification runs rampant).  In the meantime, neither my 2009-era desktop nor this slowly-dying laptop are up to the task of anything besides web browsing and random commenting.  I've known this laptop has been having hardware issues (in particular the charge jack is completely borked) but held off in buying the replacement laptop until after we got back from a midwinter vacation.

I'll admit that I had all but forgotten about EVE until my main accounts subscription kicked over for another 6 months of time.  To be honest, if I'd known it was about to expire, I'd have maybe not let it bill.

This may or may not be my last post here.  I'm pushing a year since I would consider EVE to be my 'main' time diversion, and in the past 6 months it's slid off my top 3 or maybe my top 5 list of ways to unwind each night.

There are several ways to wrap up a blog.  The easiest is to just post as if you're coming back tomorrow and then never do.  This results in a blog that's like that scene from Aliens where the space marines wander through the colonist's office space to find everything as if it had been left 5 minutes ago, including half eaten donuts, only the wind is howling and the roof is leaking and you KNOW that it's been far longer since anyone has touched that cup of coffee.  I'd really rather not do that, but as I said it's the easiest.

The second way is to ragequit and erupt in a manifesto of ranty nonesense.  This serves as an emotional unload, as someone tries to validate their conflicted feelings about the game.  Some might even be seeking to take players with them to help them feel vindicated in their rage.  But usually nobody says "You're right, this game sucks and CCP are dolts and I'm coming with you."  Instead, the response is an obligatory "can I have your stuff?"

And I'm really not angry with CCP, although I am disappointed that resources were diverted away from having a compelling PVE experience.  CCP has done what they think is best for their survival.  Meanwhile my life and my interests have diverged from their vision. I'm no longer their target audience, and truthfully, haven't been for awhile.  And I'm ok with that.

The third major way to end a blog is a goodbye post, which in a way is what I'm writing now.  There's neither heat nor rant included, it's just an acknowledgement that the venue has run its course and it's time to pack it in.  I've avoided this kind of post for awhile, because I really don't know when the EVE bug will bite me again and my time in New Eden will spiral back up to peak levels.  And really, as I work around the house the idea for a stray post does strike me.  I work out the theme in my head, and then when I sit down to write the result is maybe half a dozen sentences and I save it as a draft.  I'd like to think that I'll resurrect these ideas for a series of non-EVE content.

And so instead of saying "goodbye" I'll wrap this post with two such drafts.

Kingdom Death
Let's talk about Kingdom Death next.  The Kickstarter ended back in January, and in the final hours it went a little crazy, finally knocking Exploding Kittens off to become the #1 funded boardgame on kickstarter.  It continued to climb; when the dust settled it was just short of $12.4M in pledges.

Over the course of the campaign, I began following things very closely; it became part of my evening ritual to lurk on the KS comments, re-post useful links/summaries, and try to help people find information.  A little community sprang up based in the KS comments, and I felt very much included.

When the campaign ended, most of the community burst like a balloon and vanished, and I think I went though a little period of mourning.  This past week the pledge manager went active, and It's been a reunion of sorts as people reappear to process their individual pledges.  The initial flurry of activity is now over and things are returning to minimal activity.  Delivery on the campaign runs through 2020 or 2021, so maybe I should get used to this feast and famine cycle.


Real Life Stuff
I'm coming up on 20 years in "Industry."  I've seen and done more than a few things.  I've watched other people repeat the same mistakes, and I've repeated a few of my own.  While everything has been going wonderfully at the 'new' office ('new' is in quotes because it's already coming up on 18mo since my arrival), the amount of crazy has been slowly ramping up.  I was brought in, in part, to help put some sanity into the weekly work flow, and I'm beginning to realize that I maybe can't be successful. This office is always going to be crazy; it's just the nature of the beast.

I've started having conversations about my next assignment and career advancement.  I'm doing well. Some may want to fast track me to areas of more responsibility.  But while I like the idea of better pay, more stability (my current assignment is sort of at the whims of my boss' boss - if she moves on, I'm perhaps at risk), and more overall influence in the organization, there's a seed of doubt.

About 10 years ago, in another company, I got fast tracked.  I was the best candidate for the job at the time, but it was still premature for me.  The organization I was in had a few Sr. Leaders swap out and the replacements were just simply a bag of assholes.  So here I am, new in the job, dealing with vast amounts of pressure from topside.  Within 6 months, it started affecting me physically. My weight ballooned, my blood pressure was up, I was irritable and short tempered at home, and had a couple of meltdowns in the office.  I eventually quit and went to another company, and it took me about 2 years to detox from that experience.

I would hope to never repeat that cycle.  I'm older and wiser and would never do that again, right?

In late January, we took our midwinter vacation to the Caribbean.  It was one of those trips where we unplugged and turned the volume knob of the outside world way, way down.  No internets, no phones.  We were away from major news sources, and for one blissful week didn't hear anything about the politics back home.  We didn't have any social media screaming for attention.  WhatsApp was silent.  I was completely disconnected from the office.  The only days that mattered were Today, Yesterday, and Tomorrow.  Everything else became a blur.

In all the trips we've taken over the years, the times that we have disconnected from everything to this extent can be counted on one hand.

It was very, very nice.

I returned to the office and things didn't feel quite the same. The crisis du jour didn't matter as much.  Others had filled the gaps that I left while I was out.  There was less load on me.  I savored that feeling, and took it with me as I met with people for my mid-year career planning sessions.

What I realized is that I've got about 15 years before my earliest retirement date.  Its in my nature to want to help, and I think I've got a reasonable talent for organizing teams and programs.  But I need to be careful that I don't become unbalanced; that I give up workload when I take on new, that I stay selective in my future assignments, and I don't get trapped in a position where I can't be successful.

Escape

Regular readers will know that the past year has been a rolling wave of "busy" for me.  New job, tons of weekend commitments, and a family that is trying to retain their usual meet-ups despite expanding geographically (and somehow, "damn, that's a long ways to drive for dinner" never seems like an acceptable reason not to attend when it's me doing the driving and not them).

At any given point since this time last year, I could look out 2-3 weeks and see relief, but as those days and weeks ticked by the next large hurdle would become apparent.

The past few weeks I've become bone weary in the core, and have been nagged by headaches and other physical manifestations of long stress.  The heat and humidity hasn't helped my mood either; summer is by far my least favorite season and July my least favorite month.  I'm very much looking forward to the dry, crisp mornings of Fall and the first frost.

This weekend offered a welcome escape.  Mrs. Durden had a planned trip with friends out of town this weekend, so I've been a bachelor the past few days.  When she asked me what I intended to accomplish in her absence, I responded simply, "sleep."  I wasn't kidding, she knew I wasn't kidding, and that in itself was funny enough that we both laughed.

I managed to leave work early on Thursday to work from home for a few hours (still legit "work" but I was out of the office doing email in shorts and a t-shirt), and on Friday I expended some vacation time and came home early.  Other than a touch of yard work and a load of dishes, I've not done much over the past 48 hours. It's been a welcome escape.  I've written some fiction, watched a few movies, and tinker with some game titles that I haven't messed with in ages (GW2, Starcraft2, and even a bit of EVE).

Whatever guilt I felt for not tackling one of the dozen or so projects awaiting my attention here at the house has been pushed away by the notion that we expend a vast amount of effort and rarely truly take time to enjoy the house, property, and neighborhood for what it is.  I'm always doing something, going somewhere, and thinking about 20 things I should be doing next.  Just sitting on my ass doing nothing has been a different experience and the hours of the day have stretched and become longer; weekends are usually gone in a blink but this particular weekend has felt stretched and time has moved slower.

So here's my advice:  grab a drink and sit down. The world can wait a day.

Easing Back Into Reality

Spent the last week out on the U.S. east coast; rented a half a house on the oceanfront with my family and Mrs. Durden.

The drive out and back is best done in 2 days, but we saw fit to complete it in a single session on both the outbound and return legs.  We rented Saturday to Saturday and got up very early yesterday to say goodbye to family and the ocean and make the drive home.  It's a holiday weekend in the U.S., so we arrived back home to cookouts, high school graduation open houses, and the usual summer kickoff events.  Which is a little weird - my vacation is "over" but all around me the party is just beginning.

We'd been looking forward to this trip for quite awhile.  The past 6 months here have been a sprint with the job, house, and other "real life" problems.  I went to the ocean with only 3 main objectives:

1. Sleep a lot.
2. Drink a lot of coffee by the ocean.
3. Read a book.

I accomplished all my goals.  Book of choice was Tom Clancy's Red Storm Rising, which I first read in high school and try to pick up every 5 years or so.  The coffee was mediocre, probably due to the local municipal water quality, but I drank it anyway.  

The house we rented was oceanfront.  From the deck, we could watch the tides coming and going maybe 50 yards away.  We made up our daily agenda as we went, but I spent a lot of time just sitting and reading or watching the water.  I'm not one to sunbathe or sleep on a beach, but a comfortable chair within a short walk to the coffee pot (or fridge, for beer) and an ocean breeze is a good way to spend the day.

The first few days, I was jumpy and generally bitchy about perceived offenses committed by my family members.  By about Monday, I found my irritability draining out of me as I caught onto island time and cared a lot less about things that the others said or did.  I felt more like myself than I have in awhile.  

If you've never truly experienced island time, I highly recommend it.  In western civilization today we live such regimented lives in a world of schedules and rules and routine.  But left to our own devices, it's interesting to me how quickly those rituals fade in importance.  Some structure, I suppose, is a good thing over the long haul, but the lack of almost any obligation was liberating.

I had my laptop with, but didn't sneak away much to spend time on it.  I bounced through EVE every other day or so to check on things and read EVEmail.  The time away was good and I came home with a short list of goals that I'd like to accomplish.

I plan to ease back into reality.  I spent this morning brutalizing some Serpentis and have AE4 on deck.  When the dew burns off, I need to mow the lawn.  We have some tuna steaks for dinner that will go on the grill.  I have very little idea of what I'll do tomorrow, and right now that's fine with me.

But for now, it's time for more coffee.

Big Dumb Ride Prep

Looking at the calendar, there are 5 training weekends remaining until my long (100mi) charity bike ride (hereafter dubbed the 'Big Dumb Ride').  Normally this ride is later in June, allowing a later start to training, but they've moved it forward to avoid other conflicts.  I signed up knowing this, of course, and hoped that the March and April weather would let me get out and get some miles in.

Some background:

• I'm embarrassed to admit that I've never done an Imperial Century (i.e. 100mi - a 'Metric Century is 100km).  
• This is a rite of passage for many bikers, and a lot of guys do multiple Imperials per year. Now in my 8th biking season, I've never done a single one.
• I've been close a few times; my longest ride is 75mi and I've done several metric centuries, plus a Half-Iron distance Swim/Bike event where I swam 2000m and then biked just short of 100km with one short rest break.
• I've had several attempts thwarted by weather, injury (I almost scrubbed my entire 2014 season due to lower back pain) or making a snap decision early in the day to ride with family instead of scooting off on my own.
• The past 2-3 years, I've focused on triathlons. Biking is my favorite, but with swim+run events to consider, training time gets sacrificed.  More, the TYPE of training that I do tends to be different, since my Tri events are far shorter (14-26mi), the training I do is more to prepare myself for a sprint and then manage the transition to jogging after.
• This season, we have no, zero Triathlons on the calendar.  This is intentional.  If I miss my goal in June, there are 2-3 other events I could jump on to knock the Imperial Century off my bucket list.
• The BDR is not a timed event (i.e. not a race) but there is a time limit to how long the venue will be open, and the longer I'm on the course the more weather plays a variable (in particular, wind is typically worse as the day goes on). So I want to turn in a decent average speed (and besides, going slow sucks).
• We've done portions of the BDR in 2009, 10, 11, and 12, but due to cost and other commitments we haven't been back since then.  
• I want to finish in good form, not just limp across the finish line and need help to get to the car.  On a perfect day, I could probably do 100mi right now.  Having some reserve strength will help me get past whatever the weather happens to be that day; and after 2014, I don't want to risk any sort of injury by being stupid.

Early march weather was fine; above average even.  But late March and most of April have been pretty poopy.  I don't deal well with biking in the cold, and although I got some time on the spin bike at the gym, my mileage overall was far below what I'd planned

That being said, I started the season stronger than any other season to date.  Dropping swimming in late winter let me focus.  Time on the indoor bike on the gym reduced the amount of 'acclimation time' to my bike seat (aka sore ass).  In 2014 and into 2015 I made several minor changes and adjustments to my bike's equipment and setup, and although my bike isn't the quickest/lightest/sexiest carbon-fibre beast out there (it is, in fact, a steel framed Italian bike designed for fast touring on questionable roads), I have never felt more confident on it.  Things just 'clicked' when I grabbed it off the wall this spring.  So, despite not hitting all my goals, I am better and stronger and in better condition of any biking season to date.

Looking at the calendar, it's make or break time.  Either I'm going to get the training miles or I'm not.  If I'm not, then I should admit it now and enjoy sleeping in on the weekends while I can.

However, last weekend the weather finally cooperated and I set out to extend my mileage and make up for lost time.  It was a COLD morning (46 deg F), but the temp raised 20 degrees while I was out and I was hot by the time I came in.  I turned in a 41ish mile ride with a decent average moving speed. I wasn't out to set speed records but was happy with the pace.

This week I set out for a 50 mile ride as the next stepping stone.  I left my driveway this morning (Sunday) a little before 8am and followed a slightly modified course to get the additional miles.  Temperatures were about the same - a chilly 46 deg at the start - but I was better prepared and broke my thermal gear back out of the closet.  Wind was far different - last weekend there was almost none, just a whisper from the NE; this weekend was a steady 10mph SE at the start that shifted to a 15mph straight out of the south by the time I was coming back home.

The grind home today was a rude surprise. Weatherbug had predicted steady 6-8 mph SE winds shifting South throughout the day.  I set out knowing I'd be returning into the wind, but 6-8 is very manageable.  However, the wind was actually double that (confirmed when I got home). The crops of course aren't in the fields yet and the area I was in was flat and bare - the wind simply howled at me and all I could do was pedal on.  At a few points, the wind funneled between trees and I'd drop into granny gear just to keep moving. Although it wasn't the worst wind I've ever ridden in, the amount of time I had to keep at it really wore on me.

Today I finished 50.3 miles with an avg moving speed only slightly below last week. I'm happy with this, considering the ~15 miles of grinding I did in the wind.  Garmin says my avg HR was 150 (146 in my 'all day' target) and I burned 1637 calories.  This represents the longest unsupported (no chase car, non-event) ride that I've ever done.  It's the 4th longest ride I've done since I got my Garmin in 2013, displacing last weeks' ride for that spot.  Training wise, I finished strong and could have done another 10-15 if I'd had to, though I would not have tolerated more time into the wind very well.

Next weekend my folks are in town; with an appointment on Tuesday and weather turning to shit on Weds/Thurs, I may not get a ride in at all.  But if I get lucky, I hope to add another 5-10 to the course and maybe even push for a metric century (100km, 62mi).

Early Sunday

It's early for a Sunday.  It's not quite 8am and I've already been out of bed close to 2 hours.

At around 4:30 this morning, I awoke with a start.  I was having one of those pulse pounding dreams, and I wasn't able to really get back to sleep after.  The dream itself was new and interesting - Mrs. Durden and I were making our way somewhere late at night.  It was dark, horrendously rainy, and the headlights weren't cutting through the haze.  The road we were on was in the middle of nowhere, and very hilly, and we had someone tailgating us.  We knew there was a rail line ahead and could see the train in the distance; I began watching for the cross guards.  We descend into a valley, crest a small hill, and suddenly there's a bridge that's washed out by the rainstorm.  Mrs. Durden (who was driving) slams on the brakes.  We skid to a halt (Hollywood style) with our front tires teetering over the abyss of rushing water.  I'm urging her to back up before the bank collapses, and she's saying something about the car behind us maybe can't stop in time.  She begins to back up just as the bank starts to crumble....

...And that's when I woke up.  I'm sure it's going to be an interesting day today.  We have few plans, so I'm hopeful for a long nap this afternoon.


Anyway, the reason I'm here is that although EVE is somewhat on the back burner, I'll try to keep a feed here going, even if it's not game related.

March is already here.  I've done reasonably well with my Winter to-do list around the 10 acres we own, and if the weather cooperates will have knocked out the last of the pre-Spring prep perhaps next weekend.

I'm also looking forward to more miles outdoors on the bicycle.  I have a big event in early June for which I need to train.  Winter training (indoors) has been going well, and I feel stronger now than I did perhaps a year ago.  But the real test will be getting some 25-50 mile rides in to test my endurance in the saddle.

/Time to Ride...

Spring is both a horrible and a great time to ride here.  When the weather turns warm, there's always a strong south wind that brings it.  Wind is a part of biking, but after your 3rd or 5th ride in a grinding 25mph gusty wind, you've really had enough.  (Of course, in July and August when it's 105 degrees F and 95% humidity you're praying for a little wind).

But only so much can be done indoors; eventually you need the real miles on a real bike on a real road.

I have done what I can, I think, to make the season successful, but Spring is always a challenge.  The weather the next few weeks will be very important - if it's too wet, I won't be able to ride, and won't be able to knock off chores around the house.  This is important because the same days that are ideal for biking are also ideal for working outdoors.  I'll have to make hard decisions whether I work or play, and those decisions get harder if the weather windows are few.

If things cooperate, I'll be able to tetris my tasks/training together very nicely and accomplish much.  If things don't cooperate, it'll mean an unruly mess and a lot of compromises.

Last year was an unruly mess with a lot of compromises.  So far, this year is better.  But the next few weeks will set the tone for the entire season.  

Work is Winning

I logged in to EVE last night for the first time in awhile and got asked, "where ya' been?"

Fair question.

Snarky Answer:  Not in EVE.

Better Answer: Work is winning. I've not been burning extra hours, but have been arriving home exhausted each night.  I've been struggling to make a coherent dinner, and after that I'm without sufficient energy to boot the EVE client.  So I squander the evening on something else, mindless, and then generally fall asleep on the couch before retiring early.  Weekends have been recovery and some quality time on the bicycle when I can sneak in the miles.

The interesting part is that work has been good.  Excellent, even.  Longtime readers will maybe recall that I switched offices in October.  The first few weeks were tough. My coworkers viewed me skeptically and I was drastically undertasked.  The holiday season was interesting as things began to click, and by late January I was firing on all cylinders and picking up task after task after task.

I find it stressful, but stressful in that hectic way.  Every day is like trying to wrestle 27 squirrels into a minivan with all the windows open.  There's a hundred things to do and I need to be in many places at once.

The old job was stressful in a highly negative way.  The relationship with our east coast teammates had eroded to the point of being openly hostile.  I came to work every day and argued against the idiotic (and in my business, downright dangerous/hazardous) decisions that were being made.  And my counterparts were making them intentionally just to go against the advice my team provided.  Every phone call was a fight; every email an argument.  I came home mad every single night.

The old job was list trying to wrestle a grizzly bear into a minivan with someone holding a trash bag over your head tightly, suffocating you while you're trying not to get bit.

I heard from some of my old coworkers today. Their situation is miserable.  Most are biding their time until options are presented and the office is closed down mid-next year.  With pensions, buyouts, accrued vacation, and so on, they're in a position where it's better for them and their families that they "shut up and color" than resign outright like I did (although I got a pretty sweet deal and lost nothing in my transaction).

Contact from the old team made me pause and take stock of where I was.  I'm busy. I'm tired. But I'm happy, and I haven't been able to say that in a few years.

Anyway, I'm still here. Work is winning.  It's winning because I'm letting it.  My change has been a net positive and the opportunities in the new organization are almost endless.  I'm learning a ton. I'm making a difference.

But I'm also very, very tired.

Begone Winter Demons!

This week, I hope, is the start of something different.

Fall and Winter are my favorite times of year.  I hate hot weather, and hate humidity more.  I'd rather be sitting by a fireplace under a blanket than at a back yard BBQ sweating and swatting bugs.  I'd rather be splitting wood outside at 20 degrees (F) than mowing the lawn at 85.

But Winter took its toll on me this year.  The past month has been especially hard.  Week after week I feel further into a funk.  It started with a sinus infection just after the holidays.  There were things I should have been doing outside, but weekend after weekend I'd say "it's too cold," or "it's too windy, and I don't want to get sick again."  This basically amounted to saying "screw it, I'm staying inside today; I'm tired and I earned it."  As things went on, I couldn't seem to get enough sleep, and the sleep I got has been intermittent and elusive.

My funk extended to games.  I've been in EVE very little although I have plenty to do.  I've been on the laptop on the couch a lot; but felt lethargic towards much of anything, including EVE.

The physical toll began to mount.  The longer I kept wollowing in my funk the worse I felt.  Aches, pains, swollen joints, and generally just feeling ... old.

Last weekend the weather was bitterly cold, but began to shift.  The sun came back and through the week the temperatures rose.  I decided it was time to expunge the Winter Demons and get on with Spring.

The only way I know how to do this is to flip the bird to feeling old and getting off my ass to MOVE.

On Monday, I reset my diet and began eating very precisely again; measured amounts at specific times of day.  It takes effort to do this, but it was something I could focus on.

Tuesday we went to a concert downtown at a small, historic theater and ate a fine dinner at a hundred year old building across the street from the venue.  The music was Mrs. Durden's choice, and was good, but perhaps more importantly we were out of the house and doing something social surrounded by young people.

On Wednesday we hit the gym, and I climbed on the spin bike for a 30 minute tempo session.  Instead of doing a precise "class" style workout against one of the Youtube videos I have on my phone, I queued up some of my favorite music and worked on my cadence.  I backed up and repeated my favorite songs and the session went quickly.  Doing something impulsive (vs. the regimented workout I had planned) and getting into music that I hadn't heard in awhile made the time fly by.

On Friday, I got the bike out of the garage and took a 30 minute loop around a training circuit that I like to use. It was windy but warm - 50 degrees (F) but wind gusting to 30 mph - and at times I was leaning so hard into the wind that I felt like I was riding sideways.  Rides like this can be a real grind; the brutal relentlessness of the wind can really take its toll on you.  But I had gone out impulsively by choice, not by guilt, and ignored the speedometer.  But the return leg was mostly downhill and with the wind and I simply flew home.  I hung up my bike in its place and thought, "this is why I ride."

On Saturday, we were signed up for a 5k trail run at a venue about 45 minutes from the house.  This was basically a bonfire party with a run somewhere in the middle.  We showed up early and hung out by the fire, and then hit the trail.  I hadn't run since last July and was doing the event very much unprepared.  While last weekend was bitter cold, this weekend was spring-like and I was shedding layers of clothes by the time I hit the 1/3 mile mark.  The crowd was big, but friendly.  The trail was challenging, very muddy, but along a gorgeous lake shore on a bright sunny day.  More time by the bonfire and then I splurged on the diet and had a cheeseburger and fries as a reward for a hard race.  We came home tired, but good.  We have already signed up for next year.

Today, I spent about 2 hours doing yard work - pruning my stand of Walnut (aka my retirement fund) - and I feel more alert and alive.

Checking the weather, it looks like Winter will attempt to come back for at least one more try this week.  But as far as I'm concerned, it is already beaten.

On the Horizon

It's been a relatively relaxing Holiday season.  When it's July, I tell myself I'd rather take time off when everyone ELSE is working, and then get caught up while the office is quiet.  Then every year I get to the holiday season and wonder why I'm one of the few guys in the office when I desperately need some time to unwind. This year, I said screw it and I've managed to work 5 days in the past 2 weeks and as of this afternoon I'm off until 7am on Monday.

We've seen Star Wars 7 on the Imax 3D screen twice now.  I went in not expecting much and was happily surprised with the result.  The first showing we went to was at lunchtime on the day of release - the theater was sold out (at lunchtime!), and the audience was almost entirely people in their 30s and 40s (i.e. "my age").  This was such a fun setting; while waiting we chatted with those around us like old friends.  When the lights went down, all phones went away and the nerds got focused.  We cheered when the Falcon came on the screen, and again when Han and Chewie showed up.  At the end, we clapped politely, then all sat and watched the credits roll.

Perfect movie?  No, not at all.*  But I was a Star Wars kid of the 80s, and these are the friends/characters I've wanted back on the screen nearly the entirety of my life.   When the special edition (revamped original trilogy) returned to theaters in the late 90s, there was a huge buzz around the franchise and things finally looked good for Star Wars fans.  This was of course followed by a big kick in the nuts called Episode I.  So let's face it, it could have been a LOT worse.  Episode 7 is a fun ride if you let it be fun.

But -- on the Horizon for Dog's Breath.  I have my year end wrap up post that will hit on the 31st or 1st.  I am unhappy with it and will need to spend some time reworking it (unlike most posts, I've already been through it twice now).

I have a monster Shadows of Brimstone How-To post that's drafted but needs a ton of pictures imported and formatted.  Mrs. Durden and I have been playing SoB whenever possible (though I had to clean up the dining room table for Christmas dinners) and have been thoroughly enjoying it.

Ingame, I have been cleaning out old inventory (necessary evil) and running lvl4s.  I am trying to get some of the cruiser anomics to spawn so I can recheck my fits; this will result in hopefully some updated PVE guides.

I've been looking at the default templates and may ditch the red/gray star motif for something a little easier to read.  The red/black gets fuzzy on some of my devices.  Open to ideas.

No timetable for any of this (other than the year-end post) but hope that my weekends will remain free through January allowing for more online shenanigans.


*Note: There have been no perfect movies since the Goonies.

Countdowns

Tomorrow is the last day at my current office.  I've arranged a transfer down the road to a cousin organization.  It's not exactly a promotion but puts me in line for one, assuming I can perform well in the new environment.  Mentally, I swear I can hear the countdown clicking. Tick, tock.

It's been a surreal couple of weeks since I announced my intent to depart.  I've watched my team go through the 7 stages of change (anger, pain, denial, and the rest).  Which was weird for me because /I've/ known that I'm leaving the team for some time now, so it was not new to me.  Watching the news ripple through the team was an odd experience because I wasn't grappling with the same new information as them. I felt like an outside observer, even though I'd thrown the rock that started the ripples.

They are happy for me; the new gig is actually a pretty good deal.  They are sad for the team and concerned about what I may know that they don't (truth is: nothing, hah). I have known these people most of my career - 16-17 years, depending how you count, and over the past 24 hours I have said a lot of hard goodbyes.  I'll say many more tomorrow.  Although I am the deputy lead today, members of the team are my former team leads and mentors that held those kinds of positions 15-20 years ago.  I've been a part of their family and they've been a part of mine - weddings, funerals, and graduations all shared.  I'm leaving for the right reasons, but I'll still miss my friends.

Another realization as the countdown clicks down:  Today I am the center of attention, surrounded by friends.  Monday will be a new day, and I will be the new guy, and largely alone.

I type this and it perhaps sound like I'm apprehensive, sad, or scared.  In fact, I'm determined.  It's a path I started on over a year ago.  It's a contingency plan that I kept smoldering over several long months.  It's something I wanted; something I wished for.  Perhaps the reality of the situation is finally settling over me; tomorrow I will turn in my badge and walk out the door. Should I return, I will be a visitor and require an escort.  Between tomorrow morning at 7am and Monday morning at 8:45, my life is going to change and be far, far different.

There is of course another countdown running.  A week from today, I'll be standing next to the Bellagio fountain with a big smile.  EVE Vegas is near.  We have our plane tickets, hotels, and even a show lined up.  We're heading out on Thursday and will hopefully meet up with my sister inlaw who will be there on business.  And then it's time to nerd out.  :)

The Real Life Post (and Fun With Footnotes)

Non-EVE content lurks ahead, with big nasty pointy teeth(1).  You've been warned.

It's been an interesting few weeks around here, and by "interesting" I mean things keep colliding with me in a way that keeps me away from EVE.(2)

Change and Happy Fridays

I've been away all week on business.  Unlike last time, the airlines actually cooperated and we got there and back again with very little fuss.  I did have an early wake-up this morning, and my subconscious mind worries about missing my alarm, I started my day at 2:30 am this morning.  After pacing the hotel room a bit, I spent a couple of hours trying to sleep, followed (of course) by a blaring alarm at 4:30 just after I finally drifted off again.

The payoff was an on-time arrival at home (vs. sleeping in for a later flight at the risk of getting caught in the Final-Four, Spring Break, Easter Weekend, foul weather air traffic snarls).  This yielded effectively a 1/2 day off work after the past week's worth of 16 hour days doing presentations and after-meetings with customers.

On the downside, I think I'm getting a head cold, just as I predicted to Sugar.

The blog here was in robo-mode, posting things for me that I wrote over last weekend.  I had my cell phone on me to watch for big EVE drama, but otherwise no recreational internet activity since Sunday night.  I'm looking forward to getting in game and killing some Sansha, but I haven't completely cleared my mind from all the events of this week.

And as I get home and start checking out the blogosphere, I see an article by Sugar about the inevitability of change and another one by Talvorian Dax about changing corporations IRL as well as in game.

The timing of these articles is good and will help me process some office politics that erupted (yet again) while we were at the meeting this week.   I could write about it, but won't - good grief, it's Friday.  All that crud can wait until Monday.  I'm turning off the cell phone and am going to go find some cold medicine and a pile of pillows on the couch.

Happy Friday everyone.

Monday Madness

Things have been slow here, so let's do a random ramble post of all the minor topics I can think of:

• Things in general for me in EVE have been slow.  Unlike years past, this doesn't mean that I'm off playing some other game; I just haven't been that active at all on the PC lately.  I'm still logging in nightly to check evemail and market movements and chat a bit with the crew.  But I've rarely undocked over the past 10d and need to correct that.
• The lowsec alt I mentioned is now training happily on my 2nd account.  I'll be checking into lowsec in another week or two.  More to come on this topic.
• If you haven't read this post over at the Nosy Gamer, you should.  Jammers and fireworks.  Hahaha.
• If you're a fan of Star Wars and you're not watching Star Wars Rebels on XD, you're missing out!  It's an animated series that takes place 5 years before the first Death Star was destroyed.  It's the prequel that makes me love the original trilogy all over again (compared to the drek that Lucas coughed up for episodes I-IIII).  For a kid's show, it's really really good.  I'm hooked.
• We're having a very cold late winter here.  There are a handful of things that I should have done in February that I will now be doing in March.  I'm concerned that we could also have another late (or wet) spring like last year, which will make life difficult for me. I always struggle in the Spring to get chores around our 10 acres done and train up for the spring bike and triathlon series.  On the plus side, the cold weather has allowed us to spend more evenings at the gym on the spin bike.  I'm hopeful that last season's back pain has been banished, and I feel like I've regained the stamina I lost by taking so much time off last year.  So, it could all work out, but I'm still nervous.
• I mentioned in passing recently that I hoped to hit EVE Vegas this year.  I flew in/out of Vegas last fall for work, and was itching to stay longer for personal time (wasn't in the cards that particular trip).  I was thinking about doing FanFest this year but couldn't justify the costs compared to other things we intend to do.  However, EVE Vegas seems workable right now.

Guess that's it for now.  Happy Monday!

Resolutions (2015)

Warning:  Non-EVE Content, etc. etc.

---
I don't normally do crazy big lists of New Year's Resolutions.  As I said in the first of this series:

I've never been big on New Year's Resolutions.  I'm not sure how widespread this kind of thing is internationally, but in the States, this is the phenomenon where people commit to doing something they should already be doing, fail miserably at it, and then make the same commitment the following year.

I posted the previous entries on Weight Loss and Triathlons partially so that this post on January 1st was in the right context.  My journey has been something that I'm personally very proud of, and I like to share.  But if I came here and proclaimed that I was going to do X, Y, or Z, I'm not sure it'd make much sense as a one-off post.

So if you've read all the other propaganda leading to this, I thank you.

Christmas Toast

Merry Christmas, fellow capsuleers!

Another year has slipped away, somehow more quickly than the one before it.

I hope that wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you are happy.  Enjoy your day, in whatever custom or convention that you believe in.  Let the stresses of every other day of the year wash out of you.  Be merry.  Enjoy your family.  Enjoy.  Recharge.

Oh, and get off the computer and go call your mother.


What's Playing:  Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze

Oh Crap, I am Doing a Triathlon

This is Part IV in a multi-part series.  It is non-EVE related content, skip ahead a bit if you don't like reading this kind of thing.

Previous Entries:

1. Self Improvement Through Threats from the Doctor
2. Self Improvement Through Threats from the Doctor II
3. Reactions

This is probably going to be a moderately picture heavy post, so let's start it off right with a picture of my current race bike.

2009 Bianchi Imola - Steel Frame Race Bike

Steel frame, carbon fork, rides pretty well.  Someday I'll plunk down the money for a carbon-fiber wonderbike, but this one has many miles left in it.

That out of the way, let's set the stage.

Reactions

This is Part III in a multi-part series.

Previous Entries:

• Self Improvement Through Threats from the Doctor
• Self Improvement Through Threats from the Doctor II

When the dust settled, I had lost 40 lbs in about 4 1/2 months and was 90 pounds lighter than my previous high.

I'm a nerd, so I graph things.  I still maintain this weight chart, although the annotated version above shows the interesting parts of 2013.

This changes caused a ripple effect through the people around me.  Some of it good.  Some of it tiresome.  Some of it comical.  

Self Improvement Through Threats From the Doctor II

Previous posts:

1. Part I

Welcome to Part II.  At the point I left off, it was March of 2013 and I had just decided to try the South Beach 2wk intro phase so that when it didn't work, I could tell the Doc that I'd tried real hard.

From June 2008 to January 2013 I had lost about 50 lbs, gotten generally pretty decently fit, and I didn't really expect to go much below 210 lbs.  In other words, I expected to be overweight my entire adult life.

Anyway, enough recap. Where was I?

Self Improvement Through Threats From the Doctor

Opening warning:  Non-EVE personal content lurking ahead.  

This is a pre-year-end post.  It is also part of a series.  I'll be talking on this topic on/around Jan 1st, but want some background on the books to refer to.

I've never been big on New Year's Resolutions.  I'm not sure how widespread this kind of thing is internationally, but in the States, this is the phenomenon where people commit to doing something they should already be doing, fail miserably at it, and then make the same commitment the following year.

Or at least that's my snarky observation of how it usually works.  :)  For me, if I know I should do something different, I'd rather start now than wait for an arbitrary mark on the calendar.

But in January of 2013, I did make a pretty good commitment.  I resolved to losing 20 lbs by my birthday in the Fall.  AND, I resolved to track my progress throughout the year.  That means a big ol' spreadsheet with graphs and stuff.

Crazy People at the Gym

Happy Phoebe day!  Since I can't play while my client is updating, I'll type some nonesense.

Tuesday is Gym Day.  It's been Gym Day for going on 4 or 5 years now.  Sometimes we add a Thursday, or even a Monday, but Tuesday is Gym Day.

Believe it or not, I'm a Triathlete.  A nerd who does athletic things, I know.  Crazy.  But it's true --  I swim and bike and reluctantly run.  So, on Tuesday Gym Days, that means I'm in the pool.  I swim a lot of laps, and spend a lot of time with my head mostly under water.  In the oxygen deprived state, today I pondered this...

Why in the hell do other guys feel the need to race me in the pool?

I have the same swim workout that I do nearly every time I go, and each set has a goal. Some laps are fast, some laps are slow, and towards the end there's a long set to build endurance that I try to do at a moderate pace.

Guys jump in beside me and try to race.  I'm doing my thing, and they'll literally wait until I'm at my turnaround and then push off.  I swim at whatever the pace should be for that part of my workout.  Sometimes that means I get "beat" and sometimes that means I'm the "winner" and I get a dirty look.
Sometimes, like today, the guy jumps in without any warmup and then goes to town, flailing like a drowning golden retriever.  Form was a mess, and he breathed about twice a lap.  Four laps later, he's spent, huffing and puffing at the side while I push off for the 2nd half of my endurance set.  I'm settled into my endurance swim-all-day pace and he's killing himself to keep up, and mostly falling short.  (I smile smugly under the water when this happens ... and it happens quite a bit).  He repeated this little show 3-4 more times and then got out of the pool as I continued on through my workout.

There's a guy that shows up a couple times a month.  He swims for endurance, lap after lap after lap with few breaks ... but he doesn't like getting passed.  I swim just a touch faster than him, and I know that when I come alongside him, he's going to speed up and try not to get passed.  It's human nature, I guess, but I find it funny and a little silly.  He's doing his workout and I'm doing mine, but suddenly he needs to "show me up."

There's an older guy that we see most weeks.  Super nice, but at that point in life where even walking can be a struggle.  He's not graceful in the water.  Not one bit.  He's the one guy that never, ever, races me.  He's just happy to be there, delighted at a little social interaction when we talk, and I give him a nod of respect when we meet.

I hope that someday I can be the crazy old guy at the gym.

Oooh, EVE client is updated.  Now I need to go transfer evemon into EVE.