Alpha State

"Everything that has a beginning has an end."  That's one of my favorite quotes from the Matrix 2.  It has to do with the inevitability of change, and our general reluctance to accept what comes next.  And it's applicable here.

So ... here we are.  I talked in my last post about how to wrap up the blog. I wasn't sure what I was doing at the time, but I posted it kind of figuring I'd be back to tie things up one way or another.

I wasn't ready for the "what's next?" question back then.  But time gives perspective, and I'm ready to provide an answer.

So, I'll cut to the chase.  Dog's Breath as you know it has run its course.  It's served its Purpose.  I won't do you the injustice of calling it an indefinite hiatus; it's just done.  If I return to EVE, and then choose to write about it (both very big 'ifs'), I'll pick another venue and another name.

There's no great drama, and no great dissertation to type.  My time in EVE has simply completed its journey.  My main account is in Alpha status, and my alt account will follow once the 6mo subscription expires.  I first joined EVE in March of 2003 when Beta7 started, and despite some lengthy absences I felt like I stayed connected to the EVE ecosphere in one way or another throughout the 14 1/2 years that have elapsed since.

This time is different; for the first time since 2002, I am not paying a monthly sub to an MMO.  That genre, that platform, that way of telling stories and engaging players has shifted and evolved, and I've shifted and evolved in some different direction.  So while my past absences from EVE have always involved a defection to WoW or some other MMO, there really is no "other woman" this time, and no magnetic pull back to EVE as I cycled through game titles.  

The tectonic plates of my gaming interests have shifted, and I find myself on another landmass.   For the past year, give or take, my spare time has been shifting towards the Tabletop gaming world.

And yet, I've had the itch to write again.

So this post ultimately serves two purposes.  It's the end of this blog.  It's the start of another.  I was tempted to simply start writing here and abuse what little internet momentum/audience this place still holds, but it was time for a fresh start and a new foundation.

Should you choose, you can follow me at House of Zoxe.  I waited to post here until I had a decent number of posts up, so there's actually a reasonable amount for you to read with more on the way.

o7
Fly it like you stole it,
Abavus Durden

Perspectives

It's been an interesting few weeks here.

First, I've been having PC problems the past several weeks.  I have new laptop inbound from Dell that will become my main box, though the shipping from Dell's webstore seems to take an incredibly long time (yes, welcome to a society where instant gratification runs rampant).  In the meantime, neither my 2009-era desktop nor this slowly-dying laptop are up to the task of anything besides web browsing and random commenting.  I've known this laptop has been having hardware issues (in particular the charge jack is completely borked) but held off in buying the replacement laptop until after we got back from a midwinter vacation.

I'll admit that I had all but forgotten about EVE until my main accounts subscription kicked over for another 6 months of time.  To be honest, if I'd known it was about to expire, I'd have maybe not let it bill.

This may or may not be my last post here.  I'm pushing a year since I would consider EVE to be my 'main' time diversion, and in the past 6 months it's slid off my top 3 or maybe my top 5 list of ways to unwind each night.

There are several ways to wrap up a blog.  The easiest is to just post as if you're coming back tomorrow and then never do.  This results in a blog that's like that scene from Aliens where the space marines wander through the colonist's office space to find everything as if it had been left 5 minutes ago, including half eaten donuts, only the wind is howling and the roof is leaking and you KNOW that it's been far longer since anyone has touched that cup of coffee.  I'd really rather not do that, but as I said it's the easiest.

The second way is to ragequit and erupt in a manifesto of ranty nonesense.  This serves as an emotional unload, as someone tries to validate their conflicted feelings about the game.  Some might even be seeking to take players with them to help them feel vindicated in their rage.  But usually nobody says "You're right, this game sucks and CCP are dolts and I'm coming with you."  Instead, the response is an obligatory "can I have your stuff?"

And I'm really not angry with CCP, although I am disappointed that resources were diverted away from having a compelling PVE experience.  CCP has done what they think is best for their survival.  Meanwhile my life and my interests have diverged from their vision. I'm no longer their target audience, and truthfully, haven't been for awhile.  And I'm ok with that.

The third major way to end a blog is a goodbye post, which in a way is what I'm writing now.  There's neither heat nor rant included, it's just an acknowledgement that the venue has run its course and it's time to pack it in.  I've avoided this kind of post for awhile, because I really don't know when the EVE bug will bite me again and my time in New Eden will spiral back up to peak levels.  And really, as I work around the house the idea for a stray post does strike me.  I work out the theme in my head, and then when I sit down to write the result is maybe half a dozen sentences and I save it as a draft.  I'd like to think that I'll resurrect these ideas for a series of non-EVE content.

And so instead of saying "goodbye" I'll wrap this post with two such drafts.

Kingdom Death
Let's talk about Kingdom Death next.  The Kickstarter ended back in January, and in the final hours it went a little crazy, finally knocking Exploding Kittens off to become the #1 funded boardgame on kickstarter.  It continued to climb; when the dust settled it was just short of $12.4M in pledges.

Over the course of the campaign, I began following things very closely; it became part of my evening ritual to lurk on the KS comments, re-post useful links/summaries, and try to help people find information.  A little community sprang up based in the KS comments, and I felt very much included.

When the campaign ended, most of the community burst like a balloon and vanished, and I think I went though a little period of mourning.  This past week the pledge manager went active, and It's been a reunion of sorts as people reappear to process their individual pledges.  The initial flurry of activity is now over and things are returning to minimal activity.  Delivery on the campaign runs through 2020 or 2021, so maybe I should get used to this feast and famine cycle.


Real Life Stuff
I'm coming up on 20 years in "Industry."  I've seen and done more than a few things.  I've watched other people repeat the same mistakes, and I've repeated a few of my own.  While everything has been going wonderfully at the 'new' office ('new' is in quotes because it's already coming up on 18mo since my arrival), the amount of crazy has been slowly ramping up.  I was brought in, in part, to help put some sanity into the weekly work flow, and I'm beginning to realize that I maybe can't be successful. This office is always going to be crazy; it's just the nature of the beast.

I've started having conversations about my next assignment and career advancement.  I'm doing well. Some may want to fast track me to areas of more responsibility.  But while I like the idea of better pay, more stability (my current assignment is sort of at the whims of my boss' boss - if she moves on, I'm perhaps at risk), and more overall influence in the organization, there's a seed of doubt.

About 10 years ago, in another company, I got fast tracked.  I was the best candidate for the job at the time, but it was still premature for me.  The organization I was in had a few Sr. Leaders swap out and the replacements were just simply a bag of assholes.  So here I am, new in the job, dealing with vast amounts of pressure from topside.  Within 6 months, it started affecting me physically. My weight ballooned, my blood pressure was up, I was irritable and short tempered at home, and had a couple of meltdowns in the office.  I eventually quit and went to another company, and it took me about 2 years to detox from that experience.

I would hope to never repeat that cycle.  I'm older and wiser and would never do that again, right?

In late January, we took our midwinter vacation to the Caribbean.  It was one of those trips where we unplugged and turned the volume knob of the outside world way, way down.  No internets, no phones.  We were away from major news sources, and for one blissful week didn't hear anything about the politics back home.  We didn't have any social media screaming for attention.  WhatsApp was silent.  I was completely disconnected from the office.  The only days that mattered were Today, Yesterday, and Tomorrow.  Everything else became a blur.

In all the trips we've taken over the years, the times that we have disconnected from everything to this extent can be counted on one hand.

It was very, very nice.

I returned to the office and things didn't feel quite the same. The crisis du jour didn't matter as much.  Others had filled the gaps that I left while I was out.  There was less load on me.  I savored that feeling, and took it with me as I met with people for my mid-year career planning sessions.

What I realized is that I've got about 15 years before my earliest retirement date.  Its in my nature to want to help, and I think I've got a reasonable talent for organizing teams and programs.  But I need to be careful that I don't become unbalanced; that I give up workload when I take on new, that I stay selective in my future assignments, and I don't get trapped in a position where I can't be successful.

Merry Christmas

Or Happy Holidays, if you'd prefer.

The frigid cold, sleet, and ice has relented, at least for a few days, which will make our holiday road trip a little more enjoyable.  As much as I like a White Christmas, it's really no fun to drive in the stuff.

So, be safe, don't eat too much candy, if you drink - don't drive.  Otherwise, fly it like you stole it and have a fabulous time.

While I'm typing, I'll add a few bullet points.  Bullet points are cool.

• The Kingdom Death campaign will wrap in 14 days.  The next week will be slow, but it managed to top $8.35M this week.  It looks like it may topple Exploding Kittens from the #1 board game slot.
• I have a few days off next week and hope to get some miniatures painted, some WoW played, and will hopefully bounce around EVE a bit killing Sanshas.
• The Man in the High Castle is on my list of streaming for the break.  Season2 was added to Amazon Prime, and we've made it to e4 so far.  I think it's moving better than S1 and I really liked S1.  My advice is to read the Wiki entry on the book so that you can better understand some of the backstory, and heck, taking a Wiki-dive into WW2 history isn't a bad idea either.
• The Expanse returns in February.  Read the books, watch the show. 'nuff said.

o7 all

Abavus

Holidaze

We are now 50% through our holiday travel schedule.  That's a big deal.  In years past we have made some poor planning choices and drove 1,000 to 1,200 miles in a 10 day period.  That gets old fast.  This year we were able to optimize the route and be there and back with 2 trips totaling about 400 miles.

Likewise, this Fall and the Holiday season (or the Holidaze as I call it) has been much more sane. I've posted a lot about last Fall's schedule - we were home only a couple weekends between Labor Day and Thanksgiving in 2015.  We were on the road a ton, I started the new job, and the period from late August through January was just an eye burning blitz of highways and airports.

This year we strategically declined several invitations, consolidated our vacation plans into a single trip, and for the most part have been home.  With winter finally settling upon us, I'm relatively caught up on yard work at the 10 acres, we've burnt a lot of wood in the fireplace, streamed some classic Christmas movies on Amazon Prime, and actually enjoyed our property. I'm far more relaxed and far less stressed than this time last year.

Game news:
For the past couple weeks, I've been consumed by the spectacle of the Kingdom Death: Monster 1.5 kickstarter.  It grows a healthy bit each day, and may go through $8M today with almost 3 weeks remaining.  It will probably flatline through the holidays but still has potential to knock off Exploding Kittens as the #1 KS board game before it wraps.

Specific to the Kickstarter, there's a little mini-community that's sprung up, with heroes and villians/trolls.  It's an interesting petri dish to watch develop.  For the most part it's a positive vibe - there's a cadre of volunteers that answers questions in the comments as people pass through - while the KD Staff do what they can, with almost 100k comments logged it's impossible for them to answer everything.

There are a handful of very well done fan pages (see Vibrant Lantern and Dobby's Pledge Helper) and google doc pages that help explain exactly what's going on, because the KS campaign is so vast that it's easy to get overwhelmed.

This next week promises to see a lot of activity - the founder has promised to reveal all the remaining Expansion content, but then he's taking a break between Christmas and New Years (and I don't blame him).  Then after the holiday lull, I expect the final week to be a bit nuts.

One of the more interesting evolutions is the group of guys trying to min/max their pledges.  Early in the kickstarter, folks started generating lists of content to try to figure out the "best" pledge level.  They developed elaborate google doc spreadsheets to estimate each pledge level's value based on MSRP, and then cross referenced that against addons that offer "Gamer's Content" vs. visual/cosmetic only perks.  Some of the higher pledges include mostly cosmetic perks, so early on, some of the groupthink/peer pressure was that these pledges didn't add value for "real gamers."  People started dropping these higher pledges as "not worth it" even though there was really no reason to finalize your pledge until the last day or three of the campaign.

But, two things:
1. Not all of the content was revealed.  All of the min/max nerding was premature.
2. Although the higher pledges were limited in availability, the KD staff continued to open more spots, so guys felt comfortable dropping out.  But - the saturation point hit and the staff stopped adding more spots.

As more content became revealed, and more hints about remaining content were dropped, it became apparent that the initial analysis was way-the-fuck-off and now guys that dropped want back in.  Replacement pledge levels have been added at a significant $$ increase, so now the same pledge that they dropped costs more.  Oops.

Anyway, I'll wrap this post here.  One of the things that's been on my mind is that Kingdom Death has a lot of parallels to EVE, i.e. the same reasons EVE appeals to me are the same reasons KD does.  In a future post I may explore that idea bit more.  But for now I need more coffee.

Monster

This is a post about tabletop miniatures-based board games.  It's perhaps the first of a few; as my EVE career continues to cartwheel in space like a dead frozen corpse.

My current EVE career.  In stasis, awaiting a resurrection and a splitting headache.

Back in August, we went to GenCon in Indianapolis for our 3rd year, and I scooped up armfuls of new limited release Brimstone goodness (and still have a pile of it waiting to be assembled and played with, sigh).  We had a great 'con, played a lot of games and spent a lot of money, talked to game designers of 2 of our favorite games, and had dinner with old friends.

We toured the show floor repeatedly, and there was one booth that stopped me in my tracks early on day 1.  I don't say that figuratively. I actually stopped in the aisle, blocked traffic, and gawked.

It was Kingdom Death: Monster.  Hence the title of this post.

KD:M Box Cover

The models/figures were fantastic.  The art/cards/books/packaging was all so exceptionally well done.  I lurked during game demos and the gameplay seemed to hit a lot of the mechanics on my wish list.  It's a co-op game, so it's something that we can play on game night without someone having to "lose."

I could hear my visa card buzzing in my wallet.  Abavus didn't know what this was, but he wanted it.

KD:M Core Box - weighs 17 lbs.

The Flower Knight

Alas, they were sold out, but I had been ensnared.  

There's a parallel between KD:M and CCP:EVE that only occurred to me this week - what stopped me on the floor at GenCon was how gorgeous the game was.  The figures, cards, board, packaging - all done in a style that EVE players might find familiar.  CCP's branding has always been very intentional, minimal/clean, and very very consistent (even to the level of detail of how their offices are decorated).  KD:M had a very similar feel -- artful but practical, and done with an amount of talent and care not present in any other product on a very crowded GenCon floor.  KD:M is described as a "Labor of Love" by its creator, and I believe that.  He's poured his soul into this, and it shows.  

Secondly, the content of KD:M is visceral, dark, and gritty. And intended for mature audiences.  Just like EVE.

This video shows some of the art.  These very figures were the ones I saw in the case at GenCon.  The statue-motif completely rocks it.

Ok, so why am I rambling on about this now?  That was August and it's now December.

Here's why:  The second kickstarter for KD:M is currently underway.  It's becoming a big deal.

As I type, it's north of $7.3M pledged.  For a 4-person company that is self-publishing a boutique game without any corporate overlords, centralized distributors, etc. that's a big damn number.  It's the #8 kickstarter ever by size, and #2 in the tabletop games category (Exploding Kittens being #1 at $8.7M). 

The stats of the campaign is impressive:  they blew past the first edition's kickstarter within a few hours of the start and had a first 48 hours that was simply nuts.  Even if you're not a board gamer, it'll maybe interesting to watch how the next 4 weeks unfolds.  And right now everyone is talking about what a huge success this is, but nobody has really thought through what the longer term implications for the gaming market might be.  There are implications to assumptions regarding distribution channels, expected art quality, expected figure detail.  And certainly, there are some old assumptions about 'mature' content not selling well that this seems to be balking.  I don't think I'm overhyping it by saying this the kind of thing that's going to send shockwaves through the industry.

PS:  I am, of course, pledged into the KS and will be adding KD:M to our shelf.

Humbug

A Christmas Carol (the George C. Scott version) is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, so the title is appropriate, although I don't feel particularly crass or grumpty.  It's cold outside, but I have a healthy glass of 2008 Port from Cass Winery, a screaming fire in the fireplace, and a full belly.

Life doesn't suck.

But this blog has been in desperate need of updating for a long time.  And for that I apologize.

Reality is:  I've not been playing EVE much.  And by "not much" you should interpret that as I may very well have a pair of accounts with empty skill queues and I kind of don't care.  Maybe the min/max nerd in me should, but that's the truth of the situation.

I've been busy.  Very busy.  I could type a lot about work being hectic, or family being demanding, or a half dozen other "real life" excuses, and all would be true stories.  But those are cliched excuses for not writing, and you deserve better.

But for the sake of completeness, let's get the obvious out of the way:  work has been mega-busy.  My boss, the guy that sought out and hired me a little over a year ago, transferred up and out of our area back in May, and in his absence myself and 2 others have been backfilling him.  His replacement was only named in October, and in the nigh-6month interim I was taking on tasks 2 pay grades above me.  Great exposure, great experience, but no additional pay.   But it was a peek behind the iron curtain between "executive" and mortal, and these are dividends I'll reap later. Count on it.

On the PC, I've been playing WoW.  Yes, the evil Warcraft.  The latest expansion (Legion) struck a chord with me, and for the most part it's been the best gaming experience since Wrath launched.  I picked up my old main (a Warrior that I ran from 2005 through mid-Cataclysm) and have him sitting on a pretty good set of gear and have been abusing the raidfinder and world quest system.  It's not EVE-level of complexity, but it's accessible in the time that I have available each night.

I gave up Overwatch.  It was fun, but gave me headaches.  I'm happier for dropping it.  I likewise don't play Hearthstone any more.

I'd like to revisit Guild Wars 2, but haven't made the attempt yet.  I bought the expansion but actually never played it.

And EVE.  I followed the EVE Vegas updates and try to keep up on news.  To be honest, I'm disappointed that the Drifter storyline hasn't advanced.  So much momentum was initiated with Caroline's Star, and Burners, and the promise of advanced AI making its way to the average mission runner.  So much opportunity squandered.  I'm not bitter, but to be blunt, I've consumed the available content and need a refresh before I can think about venturing back.  Nostalgia may drive me to fire up the Golem and go bash some lvl4s, but feelings of nostalgia are sated quickly.  I have little interest in Alpha accounts, revamped NPE, and such.  But that's where CCP is deciding they need to invest.

And that's fine. The game needs customers to continue.  I'm not challenging the decision, but I am perhaps a casualty of their approach (although technically I'm still a paying customer, so maybe the joke's on me).

I'll sign off with a happier note - tabletop games and miniatures.  I meant to post a GenCon update and never got around to it.  We attended for our 3rd year this past August and had a blast. I spent a LOT of money at the Flying Frog booth.  In spare moments, I've been painting Shadows of Brimstone miniatures and we've been playing through the content as I've had it painted up.  I still have a lot of painting to go.

I'm a dude in his early 40s that enjoys table top games. Oh no, I must be a nerd.

Meanwhile, Flying Frog did another Kickstarter for their 3rd core set.  I went all in and spent more nerd money; I have an absurd amount of miniatures and expansion packs inbound whenever the guys at FF can deliver.

And a few minutes ago, I chose to support Kingdom Death's 1.5 Kickstarter.  This was a game I fell in love with at this year's GenCon.  The KS is currently at $6.6M and climbing - a runaway success.  The miniatures are insane and the game looks challenging and fun.  Back in August at GenCon, I kept steering Mrs. Durden back to their booth even though the core game was sold out.  I just wanted to look at the miniatures and lurk while the demo games played.  It's got some adult themes (i.e. "boobies") but the entire game is simply saturated with the same grittiness and darkness that draws me back to EVE year after year.

Thanks to the port wine I'm drinking, I also spent too much money on the KS than I should, but I can always amend the pledge level once I sober up.  I'm going to have to figure out a better storage/display option for this stuff.

Enjoy Christmas.  Enjoy the winter chills and the icicles and snowball fights and snow days.  Fall and Winter is the absolute best time of year. Enjoy it.

And in the immortal words of Bill and Ted, be Excellent to one another.

Enjoy Vegas

As I mentioned below, I'm not in Las Vegas this weekend, and that pains me quite a bit.  Sure, we'll be on the road next weekend for our competing vacation option (which I am excited about) but THIS weekend I should be out west talking about nerd things.

So, for everyone that's out there, please enjoy the event. Hang out at Holsteins as much as you can afford, and come home safely after.

Housekeeping

Quick notes, no particular order:

1. I'm not currently active in EVE.  I'm still a paying customer, but for all practical purposes I'm on a hiatus.  I don't see that changing until cooler weather sets in, and until then it is what it is.  I've weathered worse storms and still came back, I expect this will be no different.
2. I won't be at EVE Vegas.  This isn't related to #1; the decision was made when I was still very active. We had such a great time last year that I'd still love to attend, even if not entirely active in the game.  But, we had 3 potential vacations in the window of a 2 week period and opted to spend our vacation time (and airfare budget) on a different option.  In particular, I owe a particular someone a large adult milkshake at Holstein's (Cosmo) and it pains me to not deliver.
3. Work is ok, but busy.  Life is generally otherwise pretty okay.  As I've mentioned before, life for the past 12-18mo have been so weirdly stressful that I'm trying to figure out what the new normal is.
4. I had to give up Overwatch.  It was giving me headaches and I believe was affecting my sleep patterns.  I find that I haven't missed it.
5. I see PVE in the current conversation.  I haven't delved into the details, but I think in general ANY conversation about PVE is a positive thing.

Escape

Regular readers will know that the past year has been a rolling wave of "busy" for me.  New job, tons of weekend commitments, and a family that is trying to retain their usual meet-ups despite expanding geographically (and somehow, "damn, that's a long ways to drive for dinner" never seems like an acceptable reason not to attend when it's me doing the driving and not them).

At any given point since this time last year, I could look out 2-3 weeks and see relief, but as those days and weeks ticked by the next large hurdle would become apparent.

The past few weeks I've become bone weary in the core, and have been nagged by headaches and other physical manifestations of long stress.  The heat and humidity hasn't helped my mood either; summer is by far my least favorite season and July my least favorite month.  I'm very much looking forward to the dry, crisp mornings of Fall and the first frost.

This weekend offered a welcome escape.  Mrs. Durden had a planned trip with friends out of town this weekend, so I've been a bachelor the past few days.  When she asked me what I intended to accomplish in her absence, I responded simply, "sleep."  I wasn't kidding, she knew I wasn't kidding, and that in itself was funny enough that we both laughed.

I managed to leave work early on Thursday to work from home for a few hours (still legit "work" but I was out of the office doing email in shorts and a t-shirt), and on Friday I expended some vacation time and came home early.  Other than a touch of yard work and a load of dishes, I've not done much over the past 48 hours. It's been a welcome escape.  I've written some fiction, watched a few movies, and tinker with some game titles that I haven't messed with in ages (GW2, Starcraft2, and even a bit of EVE).

Whatever guilt I felt for not tackling one of the dozen or so projects awaiting my attention here at the house has been pushed away by the notion that we expend a vast amount of effort and rarely truly take time to enjoy the house, property, and neighborhood for what it is.  I'm always doing something, going somewhere, and thinking about 20 things I should be doing next.  Just sitting on my ass doing nothing has been a different experience and the hours of the day have stretched and become longer; weekends are usually gone in a blink but this particular weekend has felt stretched and time has moved slower.

So here's my advice:  grab a drink and sit down. The world can wait a day.

Where's Abavus?

Where the heck have I been?

Following the BDR, I let myself unravel a bit. I normally live a very structured life, with certain days for certain chores or workouts, and fitting EVE in whenever there's a hole.  After months (years?) of this cycle, it was time for a pause. I didn't do it intentionally, but it's been a month already.  I haven't been on the bike since BDR, haven't been to a gym, and haven't been booting the PC as regularly. 

What online time I've been consuming has generally been in Overwatch.  Which is a fun and meaningless time consumer.  But even then, I think I went 5 nights last week without any time on the home PC. My infatuation with Overwatch has been sated, and I think the headaches I've had recently are related.

The time away from my (ab)normal routine has been welcome, and I don't think I'll return to it completely.  It has been nice to be a normal guy for a few weeks without the pull from either the online world or the bike seat.  So, this is how the muggles live?

This isn't my first time through a sprint-and-coast cycle, and won't be the last. Experience has shown that there's no cause for alarm. It's just time to relax a bit, take stock of things, pick new goals, and set out again.

As always, there are things to do in EVE that I could tackle, space to explore, and resources to collect. But while the weather stays mild and bug free, it's going to be nicer to spend time on the deck in the evenings and soak in a little bit of 'normal.'

BDR is Done

A dreary, rainy day for a bike ride.  If this had been any other Saturday, I would have waived off and stayed indoors to drink coffee.  Instead, we were in a hotel room putting on our biking garb and I was grimacing at the lobby coffee.  I chose not to actually check the radar on the phone - it didn't matter, I was going biking unless they closed the course.

I'll cut to the chase.  I cleared my goal and closed out the course at 101 miles and change.  Wind was thankfully minimal, and the temperatures were quite moderate.  However, the nice-then-rainy-then-nice-then-rainy forecast that I'd been watching the past week actually chose a middle ground - constant spitting rain with a few downpours, but no actual heavy stuff that would have caused a safety concern.

101.15 miles on the trip odometer

I wasn't actually sure that I was going to make the distance until about mile 80.  By mile 50, I was struggling a bit and was worried about being able to continue.  I had planned to stop every 15 miles or so, but from mile 60 forward, I increased the frequency and had a short break every 10 miles. This made the interval distance more manageable (instead of saying "gawd, I have another 40 miles to do," I was saying "ok, another 10 miles to 70, I can do that...").

The rain sucked; was a huge distraction and was effectively another layer of discomfort on top of the normal discomforts of a long day on the bike.  But I'll take sucky rain over sucky wind - wind grinds you down without remorse.  Light rain is manageable.

I hesitate to give stats, because there are lots of guys faster than me, but here's what I did today:

• Total Distance: 101.15 miles / 162.8 km
• Moving time: 6:07:55
• Avg moving speed: 16.5 mph
• Avg speed (including time for stops): 15.6 mph
• Calories burned: 2,342
• Avg cadence (crank rpm): 82

BDR Final Prep

A few people have asked -- the Big Dumb Ride (BDR) is now a few days away.

Mechanical shakedown ride will be tomorrow (Wednesday). This is a final check that all is well with our bikes.  Thursday I am taking entirely off (I'm having dental work done) and then on Friday we'll come home from work, pack up the gear, and head to the hotel near the venue.

Sign-ins start at 6am on Saturday and I'll be rolling on the course around 7:45am.  The course is open until 4pm, though I hope to be done by around 2pm. Mrs. Durden is also doing the ride, but is signed up for the 'fun ride' while I'm headed for the century (100mi).  We'll see each other regularly around the course, and plan to ride together for parts of it.  But for the majority of my day, I'll be on my own, or making friends with strangers as best I can.

I'm as ready as I think I could have been.  I followed a 10 week training plan, but started it knowing that I'd fall short of it due to weather and RL commitments -- and I did.  I fell well short, actually.  But I'm exiting the training period stronger than I've been in a long while, perhaps ever.

I'm also far smarter about what I need to eat and drink to function at a high aerobic rate for 3, 4, or 6 hours without leg cramps, gastrointestinal distress, or early energy drop (aka "bonking").  I've been doing endurance events for awhile now, but hadn't been happy with the results of my nutritional plan until this year.

As I type, the forecast for this weekend continues to churn.  The past few days the long term models have been highly favorable for a good riding day.  At the moment, it's 80% chance of rain and thunderstorms, which makes me less than happy.  Hopefully the weather systems involved accelerate or decelerate and give me the day I need to be successful.

Easing Back Into Reality

Spent the last week out on the U.S. east coast; rented a half a house on the oceanfront with my family and Mrs. Durden.

The drive out and back is best done in 2 days, but we saw fit to complete it in a single session on both the outbound and return legs.  We rented Saturday to Saturday and got up very early yesterday to say goodbye to family and the ocean and make the drive home.  It's a holiday weekend in the U.S., so we arrived back home to cookouts, high school graduation open houses, and the usual summer kickoff events.  Which is a little weird - my vacation is "over" but all around me the party is just beginning.

We'd been looking forward to this trip for quite awhile.  The past 6 months here have been a sprint with the job, house, and other "real life" problems.  I went to the ocean with only 3 main objectives:

1. Sleep a lot.
2. Drink a lot of coffee by the ocean.
3. Read a book.

I accomplished all my goals.  Book of choice was Tom Clancy's Red Storm Rising, which I first read in high school and try to pick up every 5 years or so.  The coffee was mediocre, probably due to the local municipal water quality, but I drank it anyway.  

The house we rented was oceanfront.  From the deck, we could watch the tides coming and going maybe 50 yards away.  We made up our daily agenda as we went, but I spent a lot of time just sitting and reading or watching the water.  I'm not one to sunbathe or sleep on a beach, but a comfortable chair within a short walk to the coffee pot (or fridge, for beer) and an ocean breeze is a good way to spend the day.

The first few days, I was jumpy and generally bitchy about perceived offenses committed by my family members.  By about Monday, I found my irritability draining out of me as I caught onto island time and cared a lot less about things that the others said or did.  I felt more like myself than I have in awhile.  

If you've never truly experienced island time, I highly recommend it.  In western civilization today we live such regimented lives in a world of schedules and rules and routine.  But left to our own devices, it's interesting to me how quickly those rituals fade in importance.  Some structure, I suppose, is a good thing over the long haul, but the lack of almost any obligation was liberating.

I had my laptop with, but didn't sneak away much to spend time on it.  I bounced through EVE every other day or so to check on things and read EVEmail.  The time away was good and I came home with a short list of goals that I'd like to accomplish.

I plan to ease back into reality.  I spent this morning brutalizing some Serpentis and have AE4 on deck.  When the dew burns off, I need to mow the lawn.  We have some tuna steaks for dinner that will go on the grill.  I have very little idea of what I'll do tomorrow, and right now that's fine with me.

But for now, it's time for more coffee.

EVE That Was

EVE has been occupying my idle moments lately.  That's good, and bad.  Well before the 85% post, I was pondering things, and dark thoughts flitted in and out of my head.  Upon close inspection, these thoughts would evaporate; I could not force them to congeal into a concise position.  But yet the feeling of unease lingered, and the comfort that I sought was elusive.  I've felt like I've been fighting a blanket that's too small on a cold winter night.  The cold keeps creeping back in.

And that's why, when Neville's 85% post hit, I jumped on it with both feet.

And yet, with time, that single post doesn't quite keep me warm at night either.

Oddly enough, it was mowing the lawn that I think has finally caused a breakthrough.  Mowing, me, and EVE go way back.  At the old house, in the summers of 2003 and 2004, I'd have to afk for an hour every Saturday so that I could go push the mower around our postage stamp in the subdivision.  During that hour, I'd hatch plans and create a mental map of all that I needed to do and all the folks I needed to contact when I returned to my comfortable chair.

Today, as regular readers know, we own 10 acres and I mow between 2 and 4 acres of it depending on the week.  Yesterday I was plotzing around on the Deere, and I happened to think of EVE in the early days, and those Saturdays long ago at the old address and how energizing that time was.  EVE was a central focus, mowing was a chore but a mental break (chainsaw therapy) that I needed to step back and look at the game strategically.

So, yesterday, I began thinking about the game in its infancy - May and June of 2003.  The feelings I had then for the game and the feelings I have today are so distinct that it feels like two very different game titles.  That's not to say one is better than the other - they're just different.  Imagine meeting your dad when he was in his 30s and interacting with him as a peer and contrast that to the father you know today in his 50s or 60s. These two individuals are the same man, but are probably very different people in terms of experience, intensity, interests, and perhaps even temperament/demeanor. Your own role as son/daughter vs. peer plays a role in how your interactions shape up - and that's similar in a way to how you approach EVE today as a returning bittervet or a noob undocking for the first time.  Your expectations and approach are different.

I think it's safe to say that the EVE of yesterday appeals to my soul better.  There's no way I can go back and relive those early days, so this is a moot thing to type about, but while the EVE of today is better in almost every way, I miss the crusty and simple aspects of the game of 2003.  I've known this for awhile, but on the mower I again realized that trying to recapture that feeling of the early days is what makes me continue to sub up.

Lately I've not been productive isk-wise or progress wise.  I've just been touring the highsec systems and regions and have been doing things more randomly; docking at different stations, visiting old systems, and just looking at the skeleton of the game that I know is still there.  I found my favored space-taxi (Amarr Navy Slicer) and popped through random gates without the shackles of using autopilot to plot my jump route.  I went to regions that I used to frequent as part of my trade routes and space trucker empire but no longer have a viable business need to visit.  I checked out some highsec citadels, visited some moons and asteroid belts, and looked at a sky that was Caldari blue.  I'd missed it.

The next 2 weeks are going to be a blur with work and Big Dumb Ride prep, but I'm hopeful that after the dust settles and summer takes hold, I'll be able to devote more time to investigate the EVE-that-was that's still within the EVE-that-is.

I say things like "more time for EVE soon" quite a bit... but one of these days, I'm going to be right. :)

Brain Dump

Many thoughts have been swirling lately, so let me give you a brain dump.  Just for fun, I'll sort these by word-association.  These are in no particular order and are appearing just in the manner in which I begin typing them.

Behind:
Work sent me to the east coast this week for a series of meetings.  Productive and overall a good experience, but I really didn't have the time at home or at the office to be out of pocket that long.  Lugging the work laptop around, I didn't bring the gaming laptop and have been out of touch with most everything. A modern cell phone can do a lot, but only so much.  I got back to the house after 11pm on Thursday, was too wired from the trip home to sleep and was still awake at 1am.  Alarm clock went off at 5am and I did a full day at the office. Came home and crashed, then took Mrs. Durden for mexican at the local cantina since we hadn't really talked in almost a week.  There were a handful of things I should have done last night and I didn't do any of them.

As I type, I'm staring out the window at grass that's well beyond needing mowed.  So that's task 1 for today.

Discouraged:
Big Dumb Ride prep has again been interrupted.  When I signed up for the ride, I knew that I'd struggle to get the miles I needed in April and May.  The weather is unpredictable, and waffles between "super mega-nice" and "shitstorm rain."  I track all the miles I've ridden since 2013, and April is typically in my lowest mileage months, with some years recording a big fat zero.

Although I've hit some great high marks - longest unsupported ride, and a non-formal-event metric century (100km), I am not getting the less glamorous weekday rides in that I need to maintain and extend my base.  With the work trip this week, I'm behind on a thousand things at the house and the weather is again uncooperative - I may not ride at all this weekend.  The BDR event day is closing in and I'm now beginning to doubt my ability to hang on for the full Imperial Century (100 mile) goal.

Hopeful:
One bonus perk of the cold/windy/wet weather is that I might actually be able to undock this weekend and kill some Guristas or Sanshas.  It's been awhile....

Philosophical:
I've had a sequel post in my head for the previous "85%" bandwagoning, but will spare you the long dissertations and give a few thoughts with bullet points.  Bullet points are cool.

• No, I don't agree with everything in Neville's post.  But I do agree with the overall sentiment.
• I am not against Citadels.  I'm not personally interested in them, but I see the perks, and like the overall size/shape/flavor of the design.  For the past year or more, I've been pretty happy that CCP seemed to be balancing dev investments pretty well.  All corners of the community got something (sometimes big, sometimes small, but SOMETHING) in each patch.  
• My beef with the 2016 plan seems to be that CCP is banking on "trickle down economics" of null driving interactions in other areas of space.  And yah, they will.  But it's that feeling of being second class citizens that chafes.
• As a person pretty heavily invested in capship BPOs, I really do want to see capship Fleet warfare get fixed and come back to being en vogue.  But I wanted it alongside content directly focused at my preferred way to play.
• I am not upset with CCP Affinity.  I think she's done the PVE community a few favors over the past year.
• That being said, I stand behind my previous words about the lack of focus, clarity, and scope control from a project management perspective.  I'm not disappointed with any single hardworking dev; I'm disappointed with CCP as a whole for being unable to demonstrate reasonable management and having the balls to communicate directly with us.
• Is it the end of the world?  Bah, hardly.  I can still rain hot kinetic cruise missile death down upon my foes, save the damsel, and poke the occasional burner in the eye.  I've said before and I'll continue to say: EVE today is the most playable state we've ever enjoyed.  And that's pretty ok with me.

Aging:
Abavus quietly celebrated another birthday.  He was born just after midnight server time on May 10th, 2003.  That's a few days after the original launch.  In those early days, owning a battleship seemed like an impossible goal; having 1B isk in your wallet (let alone 20B) was a laughable thought.  I don't exactly how how I pictured spending my time in EVE, but at the time it probably involved a lot of Merlins and Kestrels.  Every time I think I've peaked in this game, I find another goal and another plateau to climb to.

Pukin' Dogs was actually born several months before EVE's launch, notionally in October of 2002 (though the exact day and even month are now fading with time).  We existed in EVE's beta7 but because of skills and cost didn't actually appear in EVE until 31 May 2003.  So, around Memorial Day in the US, I'll be hefting an icy cold beverage to the Dogs.

Back then, the notion of playing this silly space game in 2016 was absurd.  Perhaps just as absurd as playing the game in another 13 years in 2029.  But who knows?


And with that, it's time to go mow the lawn... fly safe!

I am the 85%

I've been trying to sum up my feelings on EVE lately.  After a generally surprisingly good EVE Vegas experience, some 'meh' things have happened.

• I was underwhelmed by fanfest, I have little use for citadels in their current incarnation, and while the capital ship changes are good follow-thru from Vegas, I was hoping for new and exciting things in 2016 beyond fixes for null.
• I've been largely disappointed by the non-announcement that PVE staff and devs had been redirected, or at best floundering.  Check the CSM minutes and read the Team Astro Sparkle entry (pg 32) and try to figure out wtf is going on with PVE.  If you can figure it out, you might want to explain it to CCP, because it appears they don't know either.  Best I can tell, "PVE" has been relabeled to "engagement" which is actually more about "holiday events."  It smells like a team with changing scope, poor management commitment, lack of clear goals, and no near-term deliverables.  In my day job, I call these "failed projects."
• The PVE roadmap that CCP Affinity talked about apparently never happened.  (Note, I remember CCP Affinity making a comment on Sugar's blog about providing a roadmap, but now I can't find it and the bitter in me makes me wonder if the promise were deleted or perhaps it was all a troll/hoax).

Lately, I have written pages and pages of draft blog posts that basically sound like "I'm Abavus Durden. I quit, but you can't have my stuff."  And then I delete them, because that's not the message.  I'm still here, I'm still a customer of CCP, but I'm not entirely sure where I'm going or what the future looks like for my part of the game.  So I've said nothing, waited patiently for clarity, and written more about bikes.

And then Neville Smitt comes and writes this post that almost entirely captures my current sentiment.  Go read and support if you're of a similar mindset.

Big Dumb Ride Prep

Looking at the calendar, there are 5 training weekends remaining until my long (100mi) charity bike ride (hereafter dubbed the 'Big Dumb Ride').  Normally this ride is later in June, allowing a later start to training, but they've moved it forward to avoid other conflicts.  I signed up knowing this, of course, and hoped that the March and April weather would let me get out and get some miles in.

Some background:

• I'm embarrassed to admit that I've never done an Imperial Century (i.e. 100mi - a 'Metric Century is 100km).  
• This is a rite of passage for many bikers, and a lot of guys do multiple Imperials per year. Now in my 8th biking season, I've never done a single one.
• I've been close a few times; my longest ride is 75mi and I've done several metric centuries, plus a Half-Iron distance Swim/Bike event where I swam 2000m and then biked just short of 100km with one short rest break.
• I've had several attempts thwarted by weather, injury (I almost scrubbed my entire 2014 season due to lower back pain) or making a snap decision early in the day to ride with family instead of scooting off on my own.
• The past 2-3 years, I've focused on triathlons. Biking is my favorite, but with swim+run events to consider, training time gets sacrificed.  More, the TYPE of training that I do tends to be different, since my Tri events are far shorter (14-26mi), the training I do is more to prepare myself for a sprint and then manage the transition to jogging after.
• This season, we have no, zero Triathlons on the calendar.  This is intentional.  If I miss my goal in June, there are 2-3 other events I could jump on to knock the Imperial Century off my bucket list.
• The BDR is not a timed event (i.e. not a race) but there is a time limit to how long the venue will be open, and the longer I'm on the course the more weather plays a variable (in particular, wind is typically worse as the day goes on). So I want to turn in a decent average speed (and besides, going slow sucks).
• We've done portions of the BDR in 2009, 10, 11, and 12, but due to cost and other commitments we haven't been back since then.  
• I want to finish in good form, not just limp across the finish line and need help to get to the car.  On a perfect day, I could probably do 100mi right now.  Having some reserve strength will help me get past whatever the weather happens to be that day; and after 2014, I don't want to risk any sort of injury by being stupid.

Early march weather was fine; above average even.  But late March and most of April have been pretty poopy.  I don't deal well with biking in the cold, and although I got some time on the spin bike at the gym, my mileage overall was far below what I'd planned

That being said, I started the season stronger than any other season to date.  Dropping swimming in late winter let me focus.  Time on the indoor bike on the gym reduced the amount of 'acclimation time' to my bike seat (aka sore ass).  In 2014 and into 2015 I made several minor changes and adjustments to my bike's equipment and setup, and although my bike isn't the quickest/lightest/sexiest carbon-fibre beast out there (it is, in fact, a steel framed Italian bike designed for fast touring on questionable roads), I have never felt more confident on it.  Things just 'clicked' when I grabbed it off the wall this spring.  So, despite not hitting all my goals, I am better and stronger and in better condition of any biking season to date.

Looking at the calendar, it's make or break time.  Either I'm going to get the training miles or I'm not.  If I'm not, then I should admit it now and enjoy sleeping in on the weekends while I can.

However, last weekend the weather finally cooperated and I set out to extend my mileage and make up for lost time.  It was a COLD morning (46 deg F), but the temp raised 20 degrees while I was out and I was hot by the time I came in.  I turned in a 41ish mile ride with a decent average moving speed. I wasn't out to set speed records but was happy with the pace.

This week I set out for a 50 mile ride as the next stepping stone.  I left my driveway this morning (Sunday) a little before 8am and followed a slightly modified course to get the additional miles.  Temperatures were about the same - a chilly 46 deg at the start - but I was better prepared and broke my thermal gear back out of the closet.  Wind was far different - last weekend there was almost none, just a whisper from the NE; this weekend was a steady 10mph SE at the start that shifted to a 15mph straight out of the south by the time I was coming back home.

The grind home today was a rude surprise. Weatherbug had predicted steady 6-8 mph SE winds shifting South throughout the day.  I set out knowing I'd be returning into the wind, but 6-8 is very manageable.  However, the wind was actually double that (confirmed when I got home). The crops of course aren't in the fields yet and the area I was in was flat and bare - the wind simply howled at me and all I could do was pedal on.  At a few points, the wind funneled between trees and I'd drop into granny gear just to keep moving. Although it wasn't the worst wind I've ever ridden in, the amount of time I had to keep at it really wore on me.

Today I finished 50.3 miles with an avg moving speed only slightly below last week. I'm happy with this, considering the ~15 miles of grinding I did in the wind.  Garmin says my avg HR was 150 (146 in my 'all day' target) and I burned 1637 calories.  This represents the longest unsupported (no chase car, non-event) ride that I've ever done.  It's the 4th longest ride I've done since I got my Garmin in 2013, displacing last weeks' ride for that spot.  Training wise, I finished strong and could have done another 10-15 if I'd had to, though I would not have tolerated more time into the wind very well.

Next weekend my folks are in town; with an appointment on Tuesday and weather turning to shit on Weds/Thurs, I may not get a ride in at all.  But if I get lucky, I hope to add another 5-10 to the course and maybe even push for a metric century (100km, 62mi).

Chainsaw Therapy

Chainsaw Therapy is a category of yard work that I put under the category of "tedious, exhausting, and often good for the soul."  It started with any sort of literal chainsaw duty - with hearing protection on and the noise of the saw, you're alone with yourself inside your head for the duration.  While one part of my brain works on the puzzle of the task at hand (like how to safely knock over a very heavy tree without catching power lines, the house, etc.) the other part of my brain is chewing on EVE issues or work issues or whatever has been keeping me up at night.

Chainsaw Therapy is an expression I use with friends and often get blank stares in return.  Many folks don't get it.  I enjoy being outside, doing something manual, and losing myself within it.  For many, the only reference to a chainsaw is the one in DOOM or a random zombie movie.  These are the ones that might respond with a bad pun or a comment so idiotic that only demonstrates their lack of knowledge.  (These are the same people that seem to believe the scenes in the movies that show a 12ga shotgun knocking people backwards several feet with the kick, sigh).

But a few understand.  Usually people with property or farmers.

I took today off to work around our 10 acres.  I started the morning with a pot of coffee made from my special, expensive, and utterly delicious Hammer 53x11 coffee instead of the usual Folgers.  I drank coffee and made a list on an 8.5x11 inch piece of printer paper, folded in half.  The to-do list ended up taking up 2/3 of the half-page and resulted in 2 columns of tasks.  By 8, I was headed to the garage and began working down the task list.  I picked up sticks by the armload (thank you, wind storm), fertilized the lawn, seeded a bare patch, plugged a hole in the pole barn foundation where critters had been getting in, pruned several trees, mowed 2 1/2 acres, and a half dozen other tasks. I stopped only for a couple of breaks and took a 45 minute lunch (egg and cheese burritos, yum).  I'm now sitting on the couch, exhausted, happy, empty beer bottle next to me, and maybe a little sore.

But my mind is free, and my mental burdens seem lighter.  Chainsaw Therapy works, more people should try it.

EVE Revenues Down

Saw this on MassivelyOP.  Link HERE.

Hat tip to marketsforISK blogger croda for digging into CCP’s 2015 financials, which were released to the public at the end of March. The good news is that CCP posted record post-tax profits of $20.7 million in 2015. Even if we exclude the one-off sale of the World of Darkness franchise, this a record year for the company, particularly since 2014 saw heavy losses.


The bad news is that studio revenue is down 16% since 2014, thanks largely to a decline in EVE Online, whose revenues are down to their 2009 levels. In fact, croda extrapolates a 16% subscription dip for EVE.

Edit:  Sorry for the horrible formatting.

And Then it was April

Things continue to shuffle along here.  The pace at work has slackened just a bit, and a few things that were hard for me a couple months ago are now getting easier with additional experience.  With the spring thaw has brought the return of yard work, and although I enjoy being outside a great deal, it's also a distraction.

I should have started an 8 week bike training regimen this week and I did pretty poorly.  I actually haven't biked (indoor or out) for over a week and a half.  Random weather and a sudden work commitment kept me grounded this week.  Wednesday was absolutely fantastic weather, but I opted to re-mount the mower deck and spend an hour mowing an acre out front that gets ahead of everything else.

I'm actually off work today; it's a premeditated vacation day with the intent of accomplishing more random things in 3 days than I could realistically hope to get in 2.  With the forecast, today was chainsawing and brush hawging until the rain came around lunch and drowned me out.  This afternoon we'll off for errands and a late lunch at a local diner we found a few weeks ago.

Tomorrow will hopefully be a 35-40 mile bike ride to jump start my training regimen, I need to pick a route that takes into account the amount of wind I suspect we'll get.  I hope to collapse in a heap afterwards.

Sunday's task will be to light the pair of brush piles I've built and toss on all the stuff I cut this morning.  Sounds simple, but will be 4-6 hours outside eating smoke.  Oh, and somewhere in there, I need to clean the gutters and pile some gravel in the hole the raccoons are using to access my pole barn.

This has left precious little time for EVE.  This year has warped past me at a blistering pace; I can't believe it's April already.  I've been in game a few times to try to keep some plates spinning, and I'm trying to follow the onslaught of the Imperium war, but most things I need to do within the game involve a lot of time investment.

Oh wow, now it's hailing outside.  We came inside just in time. :)